When Everyone Else’s Life Made Mine Feel Small

Can we talk about social media for a hot minute? Because I used to have this ridiculous relationship with it.

Picture this everyday occurrence: I’m sitting at my desk or in bed first thing in the morning, feeling restless about my life. (Not my work life, because that was awesome but my life, life.)

I felt stuck. I knew there was something bigger out there for me, but I had zero clue what that something actually was. Not bigger like “I need a mansion and a yacht,” but bigger like “I want to wake up excited about life in general and feel free in my own skin.”

So, what did my brilliant brain decide to do? Open Instagram and Facebook, obviously. Because nothing says “let’s figure out our life” like watching others live their best curated moments, right?

Within minutes, I’d go from mildly restless to full-blown “What is wrong with me?” Debbie Downer mode. There I was, staring at someone’s post from their amazing trip to Bali or their spontaneous weekend adventure and the crappy thoughts would come pouring in.

“I’m a decent human being, so why can’t I seem to figure out what’s missing? Why can’t I experience things like that? Look at all these people living their most exciting lives while I’m over here feeling stuck and stalled out.”

Cue all the feels. My body would start to feel heavy and restless at the same time, like I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. But could I stop scrolling?

Nope. My thumb just kept moving like it had a mind of its own.

Tell me you’ve been there too.

Your Brain on Comparison Mode

Here’s the thing: your brain is actually working perfectly when it goes into comparison mode. I know that sounds bizarre but it’s true. It’s just trying to run current day social media content through 50,000-year-old software, and it’s getting completely overwhelmed.

Back in the day, our brains developed this incredibly sophisticated comparison system to help us survive. It was constantly asking: “Where do I fit in this group? Am I safe here? Do I belong?” Super helpful when your survival literally depended on your social standing.

Fast forward to now, and that same system is trying to process highlight reels that are carefully chosen by the people we follow. Your poor brain is sitting there going, “Wait, EVERYONE in our tribe has perfect abs and goes on amazing vacations and has spotless kitchens. We are in serious social danger here!”

Cue the stress hormones. Cue the threat response. Cue that awful feeling in your chest that makes you want to simultaneously hide under a blanket and completely reinvent your entire life.

But here’s what your brain doesn’t automatically know: those posts aren’t real intel about the people on your social media feeds. They’re tiny, edited moments that don’t show what goes on day-to-day behind the scenes.

The Thought Twist That Changed Everything

What finally broke me out of those comparison loops and spirals wasn’t some complex therapy technique or forcing myself to think happy thoughts. It was two surprisingly simple shifts that completely rewired how my brain processed what I was seeing.

Shift number one: I started reminding myself that I’m literally looking at people’s marketing materials. Behind every perfect post is someone who also has morning breath, argues with their partner about whose turn it is to do dishes, and sometimes eats crackers for lunch because some days adulting can be challenging.

Shift number two, and here’s the real kicker: I realized that every minute I spent in comparison mode, I was actively hiding my own gifts and talents from myself. Like, I was training my brain to scan for evidence that I wasn’t enough instead of noticing all the ways that I was.

Every time I compared myself to someone else, I was literally building neural pathways that made me overlook my own growth, my own wins, my own unique way of moving through the world.

Catching myself and redirecting my thoughts towards what was really true, helped me retrain my brain. I was teaching it to see me more clearly. That’s not just feel-good fluff; that’s actual neuroplasticity doing its thing.

Two Fun Experiments to Get Out of the Comparison Spiral (Pick Your Adventure!)

Next time you catch yourself in a comparison spiral, give one of these experiments a whirl:

Option 1: The Reality Check Game

• Hit pause and remind yourself: “I’m looking at reel highlights, not the behind-the-scenes reality.”

• Then play detective with yourself: “What am I totally overlooking about my own life right now?” Find one thing you’re proud of, working on, or grateful for that deserves some recognition. Focus your attention there for a few moments.

Option 2: The Body Shake-Off

• Notice that crappy feeling in your body.

• Put the phone down and literally shake it off for 30 seconds. Stretch like a cat, wiggle your fingers, take three big breaths…anything that helps you to redirect your attention with some actual movement.

• Let your nervous system reset before your thinking brain tries to make sense of anything.

Comparison spirals happen. They’re not a sign that you’re doing life wrong… your brain is just doing what brains do.

Besides, the real issue isn’t the spiral itself; it’s staying stuck there.

Every time you catch yourself comparing and you choose to redirect instead, you’re teaching your brain something new. You’re showing it that there’s another way to look at things. And slowly, that becomes your brain’s new default.

That excitement and freedom I was looking for? It was never going to come from having someone else’s life. It came from getting clearer about my own.

And by the way, I did end up deleting Instagram and Facebook. Not in some dramatic “social media is evil” way, but just because I realized it wasn’t adding anything good to my days. Years later, it turns out, I don’t miss it at all.

Just know…your brain is not your enemy. It’s just doing its best to process whatever information it’s being given. Have some fun giving it better feeling information and watch what happens.