When Comparison Steals Your Mojo… Here’s a Brain-Friendly Way to Get It Back

I’ll be honest, I have a long history with the comparison mental traffic jam. It’s a pattern I can trace all the way back to high school.

I was kind of shy back then. Going to parties and being around larger groups always made me a bit nervous. My best friend, on the other hand, was a social butterfly; crowds were her jam. She was so confident, so bubbly, and people were just attracted to her like moths to a flame. I’d be standing right next to her, feeling like a beige wall, wondering, “Why am I not like that? What’s wrong with me?”

Fast forward a few decades, and I’m sitting in a coach training class. As I was listening to my colleagues, all I could think was… these people seemed so much more established, so much more skilled, so polished. The whole time, I was battling this internal story that I didn’t really belong, that I was just a beginner playing dress-up while everyone else was a seasoned pro.

And even today, after all these years in business? Oh, that mental traffic jam still shows up. It just gets sneakier. I’ll find myself scrolling through LinkedIn and comparing my coaching practice to someone else’s highlight reel. Or I’ll catch myself comparing my body shape or size to a stranger’s.

Except now, something’s different.

Because I’ve learned to spot it, I can feel it coming. And I can catch myself, right in the middle of the thought. Instead of letting it spiral, I just… stop. I take a breath. And depending on the circumstances, I’ll start mentally listing all the things that make me, me.

Does any of this sound familiar? That quick, sinking feeling when we’re scrolling social media. The sudden “less than” story that pops into our head when we see a competitor’s launch. That’s the comparison mental traffic jam at work. And it’s not a personal failure or a flaw. It’s a feature of having very human brain.

But why? Why is it so automatic, and why does it feel so lousy?

It can feel like a choice, but that split-second impulse to compare is deeply wired into our biology. It’s not a 21st-century flaw; it’s an ancient survival mechanism.

1. The Ancient “Where Do I Stand?” Instinct

Imagine our prehistoric ancestors living in small tribes on the savannah. For them, “belonging” wasn’t just a nice feeling. It was the key to survival. If you were a valued member of the group, you were protected, you got to eat, and you were safe. If you were at risk of being kicked out, you were in serious trouble. If you didn’t become saber tooth tiger food, you’d most certainly be susceptible to starving.

To stay safe, our brains developed a super-fast, automatic process to figure out: “Where do I fit in?” “Am I keeping up with the others?” “Am I contributing enough?” “Am I at risk of being ostracized?”

This “social ranking software” was, and still is, a core function of our brain. It’s constantly scanning the environment and asking, “Where am I in relation to everyone else?”

Now, fast-forward to today. We’re still running that same ancient “software,” but the “tribe” is no longer just the 100 people in our village. The tribe is the entire internet. It’s every person we follow on LinkedIn, every curated photo on Instagram, every launch email in our inbox. It’s no wonder we feel overwhelmed; our brains simply weren’t designed to handle this much comparison data.

2. The Dopamine Rollercoaster

There’s a chemical in our brains called dopamine. It’s often called the “reward” chemical, but it’s more accurate to think of it as the “motivation” chemical. And as it turns out, comparison uses this chemical to create what we’ll call a Dopamine Rollercoaster.

For example, we’re scrolling, and we see something that makes us feel “better than” (like, “Oh, my website is definitely nicer than that one”), and we get a tiny, satisfying hit of dopamine. We feel good for a second. But then we keep scrolling, and we see something that makes us feel “less than” (like, “Wow, they just hit six figures and I’m still struggling”). Our brain registers this as a social threat, and we feel that familiar sinking feeling in the pit of our stomachs.

This up-and-down cycle is incredibly compelling. That dip into a “less than” state often makes us want to scroll more, to find a “win” that will make us feel better again. It’s a feedback loop that can keep us hooked, constantly checking where we stand.

3. The Highway in Our Heads (Neural Pathways)

Think of our thoughts as trails in a forest. The very first time we have a thought, like “I’m not as good as she is,” it’s like walking through tall grass. It’s difficult, and it takes effort.

But what if we have that same thought every day, every time we open our laptop? We’re walking that same path, over and over. That path through the grass becomes a dirt trail. Keep it up, and it becomes a paved path. Before we know it, it’s a six-lane superhighway.

This is how neural pathways form. The more we use a specific thought pattern, the more automatic it becomes. Our brain, in a constant effort to be efficient, will often choose the path of least resistance. It will default to that highway. And after a while, the “compare” habit can feel like it isn’t even a conscious thought. The thought, “How am I doing compared to them?” can become the default, running in the background before we even fully notice it.

This is where that ancient wiring gets really tricky for us as solopreneurs and entrepreneurs. When that “am I safe in the tribe?” thinking is running unchecked in the background, it doesn’t just feel bad. It actively stalls our businesses and keeps us stuck in mental traffic.

• It can create the “Mimic” Trap. This is where we might stop innovating and start mimicking. We see another person’s successful launch, and our brain’s “social-ranking software” says, “That’s the ‘right’ way to do it! That’s the ‘safe’ way to stay in the tribe!” So, we might try to copy their style, their colors, their voice. But it often feels ‘off’ because it’s not ours, and our audience can often feel it, too.
  
  

• It can also trigger “The Innovation Stall-Out.” This one can be a doozy. Maybe we have a fantastic idea for a program or a workshop. But then we look online and see someone else doing something kind of similar. That old threat-detection system kicks in. “It’s already been done. They’re better at it. It’s not safe to try.” And that brilliant, unique idea we had stays stuck in a notebook.
  
  

• It can fuel the “Not Good Enough” Story. This is that familiar, crappy story that can run underneath it all. “Everyone else is more established.” “They’re more skilled.” “I’m just playing business.” This story can rob us of our confidence, making it so much harder to sell our services, raise our prices, or even just post our insights online.

So, what do we do? We can’t just scream at our brains to “Stop it!” (I’ve tried that, and it doesn’t work.) But we can build a new pathway. We can, with gentle intention, build a new mental highway that’s more helpful, more supportive, and in better alignment with who we are as people.

Here’s an experiment to try, drawn right from my own playbook. I call it, “Catch, Stop, and List.”

It has three simple steps.

Step 1: Catch It The first step is just noticing. We’re scrolling, and we feel that familiar “ugh” sensation. Our shoulders may tense up. Our stomachs may dip. We may start to feel that familiar flush of envy or frustration. That’s our signal. The moment we notice it, we can just say to ourselves, “Ah, there it is. The comparison mental traffic jam.”

That’s it. No blame, no shame. Just simple, quiet awareness.

Step 2: Stop and Take a Breath Instead of letting that feeling spiral, our next step is to… stop mind-comparison. Just pause and take one intentional breath where the inhale is shorter than the exhale.

This tiny pause is neurologically powerful. It’s a “pattern interrupt.” It breaks the automatic, runaway-car-on-the-highway feeling and gives us a moment to choose a different approach. We’re signaling to our brain that we’re in charge, not the automatic program.

Step 3: Create the Evidence Catalog (and Build the New Pathway) Now, in that little space we just created, we’re going to intentionally shift our focus. Just like my own practice, we can start mentally listing all the things that make us, us. This is our evidence that we have what it takes to be doing what we’re doing. The evidence that we are awesome people doing awesome things.

What are our unique skills? What are our wins, big or small? What do we bring to the table? What makes us who we are?

It might sound like: “Okay, that person has a huge following. That’s their path. But I am an amazing listener. I have a great big heart and I value integrity. I have a degree in I/O Psychology. I have a special knack for making neuroscience simple and fun. My clients always tell me I create a really safe space for them to open up because I’m able to be vulnerable and transparent.”

What we’re doing here is shifting our brain from a default, deficit-based model to an intentional, evidence-based one.

The first few times we try this, it might feel clunky. It might even feel silly. And that’s totally normal. We’re walking through the tall grass, remember? But every single time we do it, that new pathway gets a little clearer, a little wider, and a little easier to use each time we do.

That comparison mental traffic jam may never go away completely. It’s part of our human wiring, and that’s okay.

But it doesn’t have to be the thing that drives the car.

It can be the little passenger in the back seat, piping up every now and then. And we can learn to hear it, nod, and then just gently turn down the volume.

The work isn’t about just returning to our own lane to cruise safely. This is about getting our mojo back.

That “Evidence Catalog” we just built? That isn’t just a defensive tool. It’s a reminder.

It’s the reminder of our own unique value. It’s the evidence of what we already bring to the table. It’s the thing that gets us out of that mental traffic jam and back into our own flow.

My friends, the world doesn’t need another copy of someone else, and it definitely doesn’t need a watered-down version of you. What it definitely needs is your specific, one-of-a-kind mojo…the magic that only you have to offer.