“I’ll Be Happy Once I…”

I used to believe that happiness had a finish line.

Not a metaphorical one. A real, measurable, spreadsheet-approved finish line. Like when I’d hit a certain number of clients in my practice. I thought if I did I’d feel secure. Happy. Proud. Joyful. Truly successful.

And I did hit that number. But instead of feeling happy and fulfilled, I felt… tired. Stressed. A little hollow, and not at all how I thought I’d feel. And that chase for happiness in the numbers, it didn’t end. It had just shape-shifted into a a bigger goal. A new “I’ll be happy once I…”

That’s when I realized I had been living inside a mental traffic jam. One that whispered, “You’ll be happy once you get there.” Wherever “there” was.

For me, at the time, it was how many clients I had on my books. For someone else, it might be a job title, a relationship, a house with a wraparound porch, or finally fitting into those jeans from 2012. The specifics vary, but the pattern is the same.

This kind of thinking is sneaky. It feels productive. It feels like ambition. It even gets celebrated. But underneath it all, it’s a loop of chasing, striving, and postponing joy and happiness for that someday when.

Let’s talk about why our brains do this, and how we can gently guide them out of this “I’ll be happy once I..” mental traffic jam.

Our brains are wired for seeking rewards. It’s part of our survival system. Back in the day, this helped us find food, shelter, and safety. Today, it encourages us chase goals, dreams, and yes, that elusive feeling of “I’ve made it.”

The star of this particular show is dopamine. It’s the neurotransmitter that lights up when we anticipate something good. Think of it like your brain’s internal hype squad. It gets released when you’re working toward something. A goal, a milestone, a shiny new achievement.

However, dopamine is more about pursuit than the pleasure of the outcome. It’s the thrill of the chase, not always the satisfaction of the catch. That’s why we often feel a rush when we’re working toward something, but a little flat once we get it.

Have you ever accomplished a big goal and thought, “Huh. Is that it?” That’s dopamine doing its thing.

This pattern is known as the hedonic treadmill. It’s a psychological loop where we adapt quickly to positive changes. A raise, a new car, even a dream vacation. And then we return to our baseline level of happiness. Our brains say, “Okay, what’s next?”

And while ambition isn’t a bad thing (it can be beautiful and motivating), tying our happiness to future achievements creates a moving target. One that never quite lets us enjoy the current achievements. (Like in my case, enjoying the fact that I was working with some of the most amazing people as clients, regardless of how many.)

Our brains are also wired to predict outcomes. They love certainty. So, when we imagine a future moment, like getting the amazing job or finally launching the business of our dreams, our brains start to associate that moment with emotional payoff. We expect it to feel amazing. And sometimes it does. But often, it doesn’t live up to the mental trailer we’ve been watching on repeat.

This shows up everywhere. In relationships: “I’ll be happy once I meet the right person.” In health: “I’ll be happy once I lose the weight.” In creativity: “I’ll be happy once I publish the book.” And while these goals are valid and awesome, they’re not the sole source of happiness. They’re part of the journey, not the destination.

Please know this… We don’t need to stop dreaming or setting goals. We just need to stop outsourcing our happiness to them. Because joy, happiness, fulfillment, “fill in the blank,” all come from how we feel internally based on what we’re experiencing along the way.

Today, I revel in the happiness of getting to work with some incredible people. I don’t focus on the number; I focus on the joy I get from the connections and the work we do. It’s honestly made a huge difference.

Let’s slow the chase for a moment and try something playful and powerful.

I call it The Happiness Audit. It’s simple, it’s fun, and it’s surprisingly eye-opening.

1. Grab a notebook or open a fresh Word doc.

2. Write down 10 things that made you happy in the past week. Not big, life-changing things. Just small, real moments. A great cup of coffee. A belly laugh. A walk that felt grounding. A song that made you dance in your kitchen. A text from someone special.

3. Circle the ones that weren’t tied to achievement yet, caused you to feel that happiness on the inside.

4. Now ask yourself: What do these moments have in common? What do they tell me about what truly lights me up?

This isn’t just a feel-good exercise. It’s a way to retrain your brain. When you start noticing happy in the now, your brain begins to shift its focus. It starts looking for more of those moments.

And the best part about this little exercise is that you can do this anytime, anywhere. It’s like a reset button for your perspective. A gentle nudge to remind you that happiness isn’t waiting at the end of a checklist. It’s hanging out in your everyday life, waving at you from the sidelines.

Want to take The Happiness Audit up a notch? Try adding a dose of savoring.

Savoring is the practice of slowing down and fully soaking in a positive experience. It’s like marinating in a moment of happiness. As a matter of fact, savoring can increase happiness, reduce stress, and even improve resilience.

The next time you’re sipping that perfect cup of coffee or laughing with a friend, I want to invite you to pause. Notice what you’re experiencing and let yourself feel it. That’s savoring. And it’s one of the most powerful ways to achieve happiness in the present.

Here’s what I’ve learned. Happiness isn’t waiting at the end of a finish line. It’s not hiding behind a goal or a milestone or a number in your bank account.

It’s here. In the now. In the small, quiet, beautiful moments we often overlook while we’re busy chasing the next thing.

When we stop outsourcing happiness to future achievements, we start to feel more grounded. More present. More alive. And ironically, more fulfilled. And those feelings not only amp up our vibe but they help us to build greater, more sustainable momentum for our goals and dreams so we can take them off the paper they’ve been sitting on.

I don’t say that just because it sounds good. I say it because once I stopped chasing the “I’ll be happy once I…” and started just enjoying the small moments, my energy shifted. The stress around my goal achievement dissipated, and my work and the outcome became so much more enjoyable.

So, here’s a question for you:

What’s one small thing, as you look around, that brings you happiness in this moment?

Drop it in the comments and let’s increase the happiness factor together.