Mental Traffic Jams: “Not Good Enough”

Let’s talk about jams. Not the kind you spread on toast. Not the bumper-to-bumper kind. The mental kind. The ones that sneak in, stall momentum, and make even simple things feel complicated.

I call them Mental Traffic Jams. They tend to show up when we’re stretching outside our comfort zone, creating, or trying something new. They don’t always announce themselves. Sometimes they feel like procrastination. Or perfectionism. Or a sudden urge to clean the fridge instead of working on something that matters.

This series is about naming those jams, understanding what’s happening in the brain, and experimenting with ways to move through them. Each post shares a story, a neuroscience-informed lens, and a simple experiment you can try in real time.

We’re starting with one of the loudest: the “Not Good Enough” jam. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not bold enough. Not enough, not enough, not enough. This one packs a punch. It doesn’t just stall progress. It can make you curl inward physically. I know it well. It’s been riding shotgun with me for over four decades.

Growing up, my world was all about optics. How you looked. What you wore. Whether you were the “right” weight. I could give you the whole list of not-good-enough messages I received, but one stands out.

I was sixteen or seventeen when a family member said that to me. It was a prime time for dating, having a large group of friends, and trying to figure out who I was. I don’t remember why they said it. It doesn’t matter. What I heard was a siren song confirming my deepest fear: you’re not enough.

I look at that photo now and remember how ugly I felt. Not because I was, but because that comment rewired the lens I saw myself through. After that, I started hiding.

At parties, I’d stand in the corner and physically shrink. I didn’t want anyone to look too closely and confirm what I feared. That I was unattractive and unworthy of being seen. That’s what the “Not Good Enough” jam does. It doesn’t just stall your progress. It often makes you want to disappear.

So, what’s actually happening when that feeling hits? Let’s geek out for a second and look at what’s going on inside our heads.

When this jam hits, it’s not just a feeling. It’s a full-body response. Your brain, wired for survival, processes a social threat, like the fear of being judged, the same way it would a physical one, like a lion in the grass. It just wants to keep you safe.

Here’s what happens behind the scenes to do just that.

First, your default mode network (DMN) lights up. Think of the DMN as your brain’s storyteller. It’s the part that handles your inner chatter and self-narrative. When it’s working normally, it helps you reflect and make sense of the world. But when the “not good enough” jam hits, it goes into overdrive, creating an endless loop of self-doubt. It replays old conversations and rehearses worst-case scenarios, locking you in a mental gridlock.

Next, your amygdala, your brain’s emotional core, sounds the alarm. It’s designed to detect threats and get you ready for action. When it senses vulnerability, it goes off like a car alarm, flooding your body with cortisol and adrenaline. Your heart races, your breath gets shallow, and your muscles tense up, prepping you to either fight the perceived threat, flee from it, or freeze in place. This isn’t a choice; it’s a biological imperative to keep you safe.

Meanwhile, your prefrontal cortex (PFC), your brain’s chief executive and problem-solver, gets quiet. The PFC is what helps you think clearly, make decisions, and stay curious. But when your amygdala is screaming about a crisis, the PFC steps back. It’s a bit like trying to solve a complex math problem while a fire alarm is blaring. The noise and the panic make it impossible to focus, leaving you stuck in the loop of doubt and the urge to hide.

So you stall. You second-guess. You scroll. You rewrite the email you’ve already rewritten three times. Or you stand in the corner at a party, hoping no one looks too closely.

It’s not irrational. It’s a pattern. And the good news is, patterns can be interrupted.

Since this jam doesn’t just live in your head but in your body too, the body tends to shrink. Shoulders round. Spine curls. Breath gets shallow. You might cross your arms, tuck your chin, or avoid eye contact without even realizing it.

This experiment helps with the body and the brain impact, and it’s super simple. No mental gymnastics required. All you have to do is shift your posture.

Step 1: Notice the shape Pause and scan. How are you sitting? Standing? Where are your shoulders? Is your chest open or collapsed? Are you making yourself smaller?

Step 2: Shift the shape Gently open. Roll your shoulders back. Lift your chest. Lengthen your spine. Let your arms rest at your sides or stretch wide. Put your head up. You’re sending your nervous system and brain a new signal: I am safe enough to take up space.

Step 3: Stay with it Hold the posture for 30 seconds. Then 60. Then longer if it feels good. Breathe into it. Let your body remember what it feels like to expand instead of contract.

This isn’t about pretending to be confident. It’s about disrupting the physical loop that reinforces the mental one. When the body shifts, the brain follows. Slowly. Gently. But it follows.

The “Not Good Enough” jam isn’t really trying to keep you stuck. It’s trying to alert you that something important is stirring.

So next time the “not good enough” jam hits, remember it’s a signal that you’re about to do something brave and meaningful. Give the posture interrupt a try and see what shifts. And please do let me know in the comments what you experience.

Next up: the “I’ll be happy once I…” jam. You know the one. The belief that joy lives just beyond the next achievement, the next milestone, the next checkbox. I’ve got a story for that one too. And an experiment that’s helping me get unjammed. So, stay tuned.

Until next time, this is your Mental Traffic Jam Disruptor sending you much peace, love and light.