Some wounds are visible. Others stay hidden. Both change how we move through the world.
My brother was hit by a truck at the young age of 24. I was 16. We didn’t know if he would survive.
During his three-month stay in the hospital, his leg was amputated below the knee. When he was finally discharged, he came back home to recover. “Home” at the time was mom, dad, and 4 of his youngest siblings, including me.
Recovery
He couldn’t walk—not only because he’d lost a leg and didn’t yet have a prosthetic, but also because his other leg was still healing from multiple fractures. How did he get around? Sometimes in a wheelchair, but at home, his main mode of transportation became a 4-wheeled scooter he could sit on and push himself across the floor with his arms.
Over time, his residual limb healed enough for him to be fitted with a prosthetic. He learned to walk again with this foreign attachment. Over the next few years, he not only adjusted to the loss of his limb, but he went back to school, became a prosthetist, and eventually opened a successful prosthetics business —along with several related businesses.
What does a physical amputation have to do with emotional pain?
Watching my brother heal — physically, mentally, emotionally — helped shape the way I understand human resilience. And it gave me a metaphor that continues to influence my own healing and my work in mindfulness and stress management.
I believe we’ve all experienced some kind of amputation in life — not necessarily the loss of a limb, but a loss just as real: a betrayal, an injustice, the loss of someone we loved, or even the painful shedding of a part of ourselves.
Whatever the amputation, I don’t think it ever fully disappears.
My brother’s leg will never grow back, of course, but he’s learned to live with its absence. Most days, it appears that he moves through the world with ease. He takes off his prosthetic before bed, puts it back on in the morning, and goes about his life.
But not every day is smooth. Sometimes there are complications. There may be a sore at the end of his residual limb making the prosthetic painful or impossible to wear. Sometimes, he needs to be refitted for a new one because his body changes or the technology improves.
I don’t think our personal amputation — whether emotional or physical — ever truly vanishes.
Yes, we may heal. There may be mending. There may even be growth and a renewed sense of awareness. But the scar remains. Some days, it’s just a faint echo in the background. Other days, it moves into the foreground — tender, aching, raw.
This healing process reminds me of kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold. Instead of hiding the cracks, it highlights them, revealing a new kind of beauty in imperfection.
The Deeper Lesson
My brother can look at his leg and see that a portion is missing. But emotional amputations aren’t as visible. We can’t see the scar or the wound — and others can’t see it either. That makes it harder to explain why we’re “limping” (struggling in life) or why we suddenly need something we can’t quite put into words.
But deep down, we know. And if we don’t know, we can learn. We can become familiar with our own inner signals—listening to the subtle cues in our body, feelings, and thoughts—and gently ask, “What do I need now?”
This is where Mindful Stress Management helps.
It teaches us to notice early signals and respond with compassion, rather than ignoring them until the pain grows louder.
When pain flares, it’s a call to slow down and tend to ourselves. And when we’re moving with more ease, we can pause and be grateful for that moment of grace.
We all carry wounds. Learning to live with them isn’t about “fixing” ourselves—it’s about walking with more steadiness, compassion, and understanding.
I know when I’m overly critical or unusually impatient, it’s a sign my own “residual limb” needs care. The cues can be subtle, but if I dismiss them—like snapping at someone in traffic—they only grow louder.
The betrayal I experienced—my personal amputation—hasn’t disappeared. It no longer cripples me or makes me want to hide, but I still must tend to it when it aches.
Our relationship with grief, betrayal, or heartbreak shifts over time. We grow. We adapt. We learn to walk a little differently through life.
We all carry something. With practice, we can carry it more lightly. Just as my brother removes and reattaches his prosthetic each day, we too can tend to our invisible wounds—again and again.
So I leave you with this question:
What unseen wounds are you carrying? And what small act of care can you offer yourself today? Even the smallest act of tending can make the journey feel a little lighter.
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To learn more and stay in touch:
- YouTube for guided mindfulness practices and talks about stress, the brain, and the body
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